Friday, October 24, 2008

no good

Can't really feel any real emotions lately.

So what if McD's giving discounts off their cones next Saturday?
(ice-creams are always always always the best thing for me)
So what if I hand my assignments in late?
(marks will be deducted but I really don't give a damn)
So what if I've been swearing a lot the past coupla weeks?
So what if I'm a girl?
Who cares about creating letters out of pumpkin carriages?
(friggin' Letterform)
Who cares about kicking an earth around in a football field?
(friggin' Workshop)
So what if my student doesn't wanna do his piano theory?
So what if I listen to "Thunder" over and over and over again?
Who cares if I shout/sing/croak my lungs out in the car when I'm driving alone?
So what if my body is aching all over?
(haven't slept on my bed for weeks)

I want to sleep.
But I cannot.
My assignments expired.
But I'm still gonna continue doing it.
BUT I fall asleep on them all the time.
This sucks.

Xiao Qing,
I appreciate all that you do and have done for me.
Really I do.
And I can't thank you enough.
I will jia you like you always tell me to.
I hope I can keep this up.
I feel guilty though.
But that fades away as quickly as it came.

Today is Friday.
Will be going to Pulau Pangkor tomorrow.
(they didn't tell but it's probably to celebrate my parents wedding anniversary)
Will only be back on Monday.
Great.
My assignments.
I'm torn.
Torn between family and work.
Somebody tell me which is more important.
If you've lived with my family for as long as I did,
you wouldn't be able to give me an answer.
I bet my favourite ice-cream on it.

I,
Will go pack my clothes now.
Will try to enjoy my sam suk dan tomorrow morning.
Will have chocolate in class tomorrow.
Will just have fun in Pangkor the next three days.
Will try to finish my assignments.
I will.

Just fall asleep like I always do.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm going to be honest with you, Soey-dearest, so maybe you may not like what you're going to hear after this.

This is just your first year.
I know it sounds like it's friggin' tough and all, but really, First Year was the best year of College Life. It's crazy now, but it'll be crazier later. Which is why I have been trying to tell you if you want to join Digital Animation, you've got to be prepared to lose your own social life, your time, your sleep and in worst cases, your own health, if you're not careful. I am not discouraging you, but seeing you like this already about your Foundation year, I think it'll be even more painful during your Majoring years. Trust me on that: I hardly see my parents during my Second Year First Sem, except when the 1 and 1/2 hours they drive me back and forth from college. Now that I live apart from them, I see them even less. But this is only the beginning - Work outside will be tougher onwards, and believe me when I say that.

I must admit that after joining DG, I do appreciate my family a little more. That's why I try to spend as much time as possible with them when I am home. Really.

It's the career choice you made. You're in your first year and if you think this isn't your thing, you can back out now while you can. But if this is the VERY SOLE REASON of your being and you CHOSE THIS BECAUSE YOU REALLY WANTED TO, then you must STOP COMPLAINING and FOCUS. We, students at this college are FAMOUS for our poor time management and that I admit, is one very hard thing to do.

So WHAT.
JUST DO YOUR FRIGGIN' BEST AND PULL THROUGH, FOR GOODNESS SAKE.
SOEY, GET A GRIP OF YOURSELF.
AND DO WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO.
Because there're many other people who have similar dreams, maybe even bigger, who would love to be in your shoes and do what you do.

I know you fought for this real hard, and I know you have lots of talent in you. I probably have not as much talent as yours, and probably won't understand how much you're going through, but I'll have you know that you're not the only one fighting here: All of us are.

Do your best.
It's not a pretty thing but you've got to pull through.
:) I have faith in you.
*hugs*

And truth be told:
You don't have to ACE every subject. Just figure out which one you can improve on and focus a little bit more on that. Trust me: It'll do you a hell lot of good.

*hugs from one of your old friends*

~ Mademoiselle Eros ~ said...

awww. girl. sigh. i bet things have been pretty tough for us. But you've got me, no matter what alright. i'm going to support you and you me! OKOKOKOKOK! =) HUUUGGGSSSSS love ya SAYANNGGGGGG!!!! *gives a biiggg weettt kisss* hahahha!